tisdag 6 september 2011

Lästips: Cracked

Gissningsvis känner de flesta redan till den, men Cracked är en så ständigt fascinerande källa av intressanta ämnen och humor att den inte kan rekommenderas nog. Klichén verkar vara att man kom för Seanbaby och blev kvar på grund av den genomgående höga kvaliteten, och så var fallet även för mig.

Ett exempel i mängden läsvärt från Cracked på sistone - ur artikeln 5 Embarrassing Failures History Class Turned Into Victories - om Live Aid:

But a fundraiser like Live Aid doesn't work that way -- the money is given to non-governmental organizations (NGOs), and in order to do their work, they have to work under, and obey, the bullshit government. In other words, all those piles of well-meaning cash wind up propping up the assholes who helped create the famine. It's like buying Christmas presents for the poor kids down the street, only to see the abusive dad sell them for drug money.

So for instance, the aid workers who traveled to Ethiopia were forced to exchange the aid money for the country's currency at highly inflated rates, thus inadvertently funding and reinvigorating the evil government. That money also helped fund the government's forced relocation program of thousands of starving people from the south of the country to camps in the north. It is estimated that one in six of those who made the journey died.

Did Live Aid feed a lot of starving people? No doubt. But as others have pointed out, it's entirely possible that the horrible things done with the cash killed as many or more people than the food saved. In the real world, good intentions don't always stand a chance against a bunch of shitheads with AK-47s.

Vidare skulle jag vilja lägga till Rock 'n' Roll High School i artikeln 7 Terrible Early Versions of Great Movies - i nuvarande skick är den fantastisk (och Mary Woronov gör rollen som Mrs. Togar lika suveränt som hon gjorde Calamity Jane), men enligt kommentarsspåret så hade Roger Corman tänkt att filmen skulle handla om disco, och fick övertalas till att istället använda Ramones. Nu är det självfallet så att Roger Corman är ett geni och inte jag, men jag har svårt att se den filmen handla om något annat än Ramones:

Och i 5 Movie Fan Theories That Make More Sense Than the Movie skulle den tidigare nämnda Flightplanrecensionen passa in:

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

This story was obviously told by the survivors, but on closer examination, the truth reveals itself.

As the movie is told, we're expected to believe that Carson has planned a horrifically elaborate extortion plot with flight attendant Fiona.

Before we meet him, he's found Kyle, the jet's designer, killed her husband, planted explosives in his coffin, arranged to be the marshal on the flight Kyle chooses to fly her husband's body to the U.S., arranged for Fiona to be working that flight, and somehow changed public records to reflect the death of Kyle's daughter, Julia. OK, maybe. If he's the super-brilliant, criminal mastermind we're so used to seeing in the movies, that's all well and good.

But his plan is based on the idea that he's going to abduct Julia from her pathologically protective mother unnoticed. He anticipates that Kyle will go berserk looking for her daughter and give him free rein on the plane.


Perhaps no one seeing Jullia for FOUR HOURS is just a lucky accident that makes Carson's cover story more convincing. Bt that doesn't begin to cover it.

That he is able to spirit her away from her mother is bad enough. His little speech about being able to abduct the girl without arousing suspicion because he is a person of authority (authority not known at the time of the abduction!) is hogwash. If a man lays hands on a six year old girl, people look, even if he's wearing a clerical collar. Well... maybe that's a bad example, but you get the idea. Had anyone remembered him around the girl, his plans would have been done in.

And his meticulous plan demands that he FORESEE getting the child from her mother and taking the girl unseen, unremembered by anyone.

So here's what really happened...

Kyle was the mastermind. She scans the internet reading news, looking for the death of a father and child under suspicious circumstances. She abducts a child of the same age, drugs her (or him), stows her in a coffin and boards the plane masquerading as the bereaved spouse.

She pretends that her child is missing, runs amok, and then quietly relays her ransom demands to Carson. To everyone else, she maintains the pretext of looking for her daughter. This enhances her credibility at the denouement.

The money is transferred to the mysterious account and the plane is emptied, except for four people.With Fiona's help, Kyle overpowers Carson. She gets the girl and the explosives out of the coffin. Fiona goes out and confesses her part in Carson's plot. Kyle detonates the explosives, killing Carson - the only person who could refute any of this - and disembarks.

When the child begins to wake up, she drugs her again and drives off into the sunset. Later, she kills the child and dumps the body.

Fiona is arraigned; a mysterious friend posts bail.

Kyle and Fiona leave on an international plane under new identities for parts unknown. Now I'm not saying they're lesbian lovers, but you just never know, you know? --- I love Jodie Foster; tell me please did she read the whole script before she agreed to do this movie?

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